Day By Day

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Al Sharpton and Holder

Yes, this is parody.  But damned good parody, because it actually sounds like what Revered Al might say.  It's best read aloud - add in your own Sharpton dialect for maximum effect.  It's a bit long, so be sure to follow the jump by clicking the "Read More".  From The Daily Rash, via I Own the World.

Al Sharpton Grills Attorney General Eric Holder on MSNBC

WASHINGTON – Last night on MSNBC, news anchor Reverend Al Sharpton grilled Attorney General Eric Holder on everything from Fast and Furious to racism. Following is a transcript of that interview:

AL SHARPTON:  Welcome Mr. Secretary General of Defense. It’s a pleasure to sponsor you on my show.
ERIC HOLDER:  Thank you. It’s a pleasure being here.
AL SHARPTON:  I’m going to start off the show by saying two words and I want to get your response.
ERIC HOLDER:  (Looks confused)
AL SHARPTON:  Now, what does your judicated mind think when you hear those words?
ERIC HOLDER:  Uh, that we still have work to do fighting for civil rights?
AL SHARPTON:  Don’t those words define the biased white interlopers who’ve chosen to scrapegoat you, a premature African American man of power?
ERIC HOLDER:  Uh, yes, I am aware that my skin color may play a roll in the ceaseless attacks from the right side of the aisle.
AL SHARPTON:  Not just that Secretary Holder, but isn’t it true that President Obama is provocated from the aisle by the same Jim Crow fronts that would be clarified as abomable in a more just world?
ERIC HOLDER:  As you know Reverend Sharpton, I think the United States is a nation of cowards when it comes to race.
AL SHARPTON:  Not only cowards Secretary General, but isn’t the nation also a composite heap of partisan divide that threatens the very fabric of African American detrimentation?
ERIC HOLDER:  Well, uh, we do still have a lot of work to do.
AL SHARPTON:  And that leads me to my next question, General. With the issues of the Fast and Frisky gun profanities, isn’t it in the best interest of the country that the president intercept on your behalf to restrain matters of secrets in the attorney client prophecy?
ERIC HOLDER:  Uh, there is no question that certain information pertaining to Fast and Furious is privileged and should not be made public until after the election.

AL SHARPTON:  And are not you, the first black African American man of color with a law decree, being hunted down like a rapid dog in the swamps of the Jim Crow south by blood thirsty white men, some of who may or may not be Jewish?
ERIC HOLDER:  Well, uh, things are getting a bit rough.
AL SHARPTON:  I want you to know that I’ve planned a march to protest the highly technical lynching of America’s first African American General.
ERIC HOLDER:  I appreciate your efforts.
AL SHARPTON:  And now, because I am a professional newscaster with my own show on MSNBC, I am forced to ask the tough questions. I hope you are prepared.
AL SHARPTON:  Did you or did you not know what they are implying that you may or may not have been aware of?
ERIC HOLDER:  And what is that?
AL SHARPTON:  Correct.
ERIC HOLDER:  (Looks confused) Could you repeat your question, please?
AL SHARPTON:  General Holder, would you tell the American people in my audience if you know or if you ever knew, or if you will ever know what you are aware of regarding the charges being accused against you? In other words, were you knowingly a participant member of indescriminant incantations of which partisan white men want to lynch you in the aureole of public options?
ERIC HOLDER:  (looks confused) It would take a lot of time to comprehend enough of your inquiry to prepare an adequate response.
AL SHARPTON:  I warned you that I ask the tough questions.
ERIC HOLDER:  You sure do!
AL SHARPTON:  Now, let’s get to the crotch of the matter of this week’s big story, President Obama’s excrement provision.
AL SHARPTON:  As you are aware, Republicans are calling the excrement provision unconstitutional and illegal. Your response?
ERIC HOLDER:  Well, uh, the executive privilege has always been at the president’s disposal.
AL SHARPTON:  So you predict the president will flush the excrement?
AL SHARPTON:  If they hold you in the convent of the court, will you have white Republicans arrested for racism?
ERIC HOLDER:  Unfortunately, racism is not a crime.
AL SHARPTON:  We only have enough time for one last question.
AL SHARPTON:  Many Americans, including your humming correspondent, wonder why you still haven’t married Oprah.
AL SHARPTON:  If nothing else it would lay to rest the lesbian rumors.
ERIC HOLDER:  I don’t….
AL SHARPTON:  I’m sorry General, we’re out of time. I want to thank Secretary Holder for joining us and I invite everyone back tomorrow for more hard hitting news on my show, Politics Nation on MSNBC, with me, African American news anchor, Al Sharpton

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