Riffing off DirecTV

The Other McCain relays on a comment made at the WSJ blog.  If you like the DirecTV ads featuring the "chain of events" theme, read this in that style.  (And for another takeoff, see this OC post with a funny video).

When you vote for Obama based on “Hope and Change” you get suckered.
When you get suckered you cry in front of your girlfriend during acceptance speeches.
When you cry in front of your girlfriend during acceptance speeches, she questions your manhood.
When your girlfriend questions your manhood she has doubts.
When she has doubts, she leaves you.
When she leaves you, you question why you voted for Obama.
When you question why you voted for Obama, you surround yourself with other delusional people with degrees in theatre who voted for Obama.
When you surround yourself with other delusional people with degrees in theatre who voted for Obama, you crap in the streets, destroy property, and live in your parents basement.
When you crap in the streets, destroy property and live in your parents basement, you lash out.
When you lash out, you ignore facts and reason.
When you ignore facts and reason, you blame others for your failures.
When you blame others for your failures, you post stupid comments on chat forums.
When you post stupid comments on chat forums your ex-girlfriend reads them.
When your ex-girlfriend reads them she thinks “I am glad I matured and dumped that loser”.
Don’t get suckered again — switch to Mitt Romney.